All of this, while obnoxious, is tolerable, as I consider it a test in patience. I know things could have gone a lot worse, especially since I was randomly assigned. At least she is nice and respectful of my space. Or so I thought. Oh God, was I wrong.
Okay, that may be a bit of an exaggeration, and actually this whole next explanation will probably seem a little over the top. It probably is, but I hope to justify my feelings by the end of it.
Yesterday I was sightly dehydrated and definitely exhausted, and I ended up getting a dizzy/nausea spell for about thirty minutes. I decided to lay down and try to sleep it off. I was in that strange middle-phase of sleep, where I was conscious and aware of sounds around me, but my eyes were closed and I was not "awake". I heard my roommate come in and open my desk drawer.
The act of opening the drawer itself was not suspicious, as I have a coffee maker and that is where I keep those supplies. I told her she could make coffee using my supplies whenever she wanted, as neither of us are overly zealous in our consumption of the beverage and it is therefore not a financial threat to myself (sharing is caring, right?).
I was surprisingly aware of the sounds I heard, despite being half-asleep, and I realized quickly that the coffee maker had not been turned on, as it makes a distinctive humming/whirring noise. I then recognized the sound of a Mars brand candy bar wrapper being lifted, and knew immediately that this bitch was stealing my Twix bar.
I flipped over to confront her, but as I've mentioned, I was not at my best, so I half-sat up and half-opened my eyes, not even keeping them open long enough to fully process an image. I flopped back down, my brain frustrated by the failures of my physical form. I heard her leave the room then, and I knew in my heart that I had lost.
Just to be sure, when I finally was able to get out of bed, I checked the drawer. Sure enough, the Twix bar was missing, a Twix bar-sized hole where it had once been. The betrayal I felt fueled a vengeful rage I didn't know I was capable of. I am typically a forgiving person, but this time she had gone too far.
The natural question this raises is "Why is this such a big deal? It's just a candy bar?" The answer is that it isn't the loss of the chocolate itself, but the fact that I was stolen from while I was napping! How untouchable does this bitch think she is? What else has she taken? Why did she feel the need? I don't steal her food! I don't even touch her fridge! She thinks she's better than me, and she needs to learn her lesson.
This is the part where strategy and tactics comes in. I want revenge. However, this revenge has to be played out so that she doesn't realize it's me who's doing it. I want her to think she is responsible for her own suffering. She has imposed her law, her strategy. She sets the temperature, she decides who gets to eat my food.
Everyone around me suggests "talking to her", but I can't do that. This has gone too far for diplomatic reasoning to work. She stole from under my nose, while I was in the room napping literally four feet away. I am too proud to allow such injustice to happen without punishment. I just need a plan.
My primary target would be the A/C unit, I just don't know what to do. My initial thought was to see if I could break the circuit in the switch and re-complete it each time she called maintenance, but I don't necessarily have the tools to do that. She likes to leave the window open even when she leaves the room, so I considered putting some egg on the outer windowsill and letting the smell waft in, but there's no guarantee she'll open the window before it rains and washes away (especially with the rainy season starting up again). My most unrealistically possible, but also most creative idea was to take bananas and rub them on her clothes (just enough that she wouldn't notice) because one of the chemicals in bananas is a pheromone that attracts bees, and it would be scary and confusing to her as they periodically landed on her.
I'll admit some of those are not tactical by definition, and I should really try to focus in on something that she could cause herself. Or I could let it go, since our rooming situation ends in a month. I'll just have to play it by ear.
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