Running Behind

I think I'm one blog post behind (I'l catch up on that today) and many Facebook posts behind, as I know for certain that I am WAY behind on the final surveillance project. I know that I can catch up, because I'll have to, but I felt the need to make sure my awareness of my own procrastination was noted.

I often give the excuse that I "work best under pressure" to justify my lack of timeliness, and while that is partially true the real reasons for my procrastination are that I'm 1) forgetful and 2) incredibly demotivated toward all efforts until the consequences of said efforts are slapping me in the face.

Forgetfulness in this case is my explanation for the blog posts and Facebook updates. The post I'm behind on I forgot about because I was out of the state competing in an academic conference. Facebook, on the other hand, is just something that constantly leaves my mind. I hardly pay attention to my personal account, and while the false one is actually a lot more interesting to maintain, the realization that I need to update it typically comes when I am not able to sit down and pull a new theory out of the air. I know this is an issue, and to make up for it I'm creating a presentation on a theory that is rather large (~85 ppt slides). I will, however, continue posting smaller theories to try and catch up.

Now for the explanation of my demotivation until slapped by consequences. Basically it's a fancy way of saying "I'm lazy, but on a different level." It's not that I don't want to do anything, it's that I don't fully process the amount of work things are actually going to take, and I wait until the last minute to throw it all together in a blaze of glory. My ability to prioritize never matured past "selfish", in the sense that I won't do anything until I feel the need to, even if I'm told by others that I'm making a mistake by ignoring the said thing(s). I've been able to survive this type of lifestyle for nineteen years, which is problematic since it's probably going to catch up with me (likely in the next few weeks).  Just to give an idea of how far I've come with this, I'll give you the briefest possible synopsis of my AP testing career: I passed 10/11 of my tests (the one I failed I knew I was going to fail going in). Of the ones I passed, I studied for an "acceptable" amount of time (several hours at both home and school, and not just the night before) for 1/10. The only reason I did so was because I rather enjoyed the subject, as I could have passed without studying at all.


What I'm trying to say is that I was always the asshole who didn't really have to put any effort into anything to do well, and I know that I need to abandon that mindset. I'm sorry for falling behind, and I will get the work done.